My heart does go out to all of us affected by these crazy makers. 2. I go to the park next to my house in the morning before work to relax. I would have worked with her on that. Plus, women are by nature, more seductive then men. I ran over and tapped on the window and was abruptly told to go away and the guy in the drivers seat was her brother. Yet so ready to embrace a new lease on life . As to the rest of them, with higher or lesser degree of sadism, seeing the Narc actions, as a result of unconscious is exactly what gets/keeps people in trouble. When I say Im in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared. And is now in the begin fase of that other one both very happy. Dont even say yes if they ask you something. Its only a theory, as no one can predict the future. When i asked him Why and he Said sorry it was a Joke. Its been 8 long months and Im still not totally over it. Hurting you makes her feel better. Now I see that the therapist was wrong. For example, the other day, on the anniversary of his moms death, he sent a msg to remind me, adding that we should keep the ones we love close and that he misses me. But that I really didnt care, because at the time, I needed the support that he gave me and even though it was fake, it got me thru it. WHY DO I WANT HIM BACKWHY CANT I JUST FORGET ABOUT HIMIM SCARED THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT, You have to realeyes that being involved with an narc is no thing like being with someone who is not a narc. No one will really understand why I leave but it no longer matters to me what others think, they have not lived in the cloaked hell that has been a 20 year prison. You need to work on your self worth. He is very educated and charming (a playwright). proclamations of us even though one has made it clear there is no US (dont know if FREEATLAST did too, but noticed same wording in her exs letter), And then there is, of course, his Christian concern that I be relieved of my bitterness and anger (on the surface sounds like good things)but meanwhile not genuinely acknowledging the tragic and deeply wounding things he did to me to cause any bitterness or anger. I know that I wanted the school year to end but being apart from you is not what I had in mind. They have gained absolutely nothing by doing this to us Your story sounds almost identical to mine. They cant stand rejection so they try to cover it up and make you feel as bad as they do. I feel bad a baby was brought into this and that they lasted a long time so far . Just the other days one the ladies that works with me said its nice to get the old you back meaning I am just starting to be my old self again and it feels really good. We were promised for years what was going to happen at the end even split, but no. I installed Mr. If your narcissist ex discarded you and just disappeared one day, it was because your behavior was so intolerable, they had to get out. I view them as keeping me away from productive things. If they happen to run into or see an ex somewhere that they havent thought about in a while, they may do some reconnaissance. Unbelievalble. I still care for him and he does actually try to be a good friend ie if I have a problem etc. Whole story that he is not happy with that other person etc. I want to have a loving partner and its making me self sabotage in ways that I cant even explain. He then had to find something wrong with me and started to turn my like upside down, I am angry but I am healing. Hes like so you dont care about the kids? One of the reasons why they zero in on those with battered self esteem. I guess since I saw thru the illusion he saw no need to keep her around. Anyone they hang out with is simply so they can show off in front of them in order to maintain the false image they want others to have of who they are. Also, my thought was, if he was so desperate to get the equipment and he knew i was ignoring him, why didnt he send me a registered letter, put a note on my door or car (which by the way, was parked in front of my house the day he knocked on my landladys door) or send the sheriff to my house with a court order? After a nice, balanced visit to his city for a few days, I returned home to relate to a very different person. it feels like a heavy drugs that i am an addict of. Keep in mind that this woman more or less pushed herself into my life after I initially reached out to her. They are just as inconsistent and drama filled as friends as they were as significant others and if that will bother you its not a good idea. We survivors are only a little LESS predictable in how we are slowly destroyed from within. However 18 months in we get to the facts that no matter how infatuated with her I was. Im not healed and am still trying to get my head around the fact our entire relationship was a lie. So transparent. The dynamic is different from normal in so far as this is a group of people who take part in a sport I dont actually have to specifically spend time with this person but he is always there an omnipresence and vocal with it as you would expect its all about him the notion that he is as I suspect him to be is quite unambiguous. We know his modus operandi as well that hes a narc. The more constituted him being deported!! -A memory loss as to the actual happenings being discussed He plays a role in a lot of storys because he is part of my history. We do that because we are looking for closure and validation. Theyre the type the narcissist can control. The next day, i found the remote, so I texted him just to tell him not to bother looking for it. Now all of a sudden, its not mine. Private messages sent over Facebook included some pictures she wanted to make sure his wife would never see of him taking body shots off of half naked woman, and pictures if the two of them together. I am like the walking dead at the thought that I have destroyed me, my family, relatives, and friends. Even being through what I went through, the things some of my female Amish friends endure is truly horrific. This is just out of pure curiosity, but lets say that I decided not to pursue the money and just let things be. We had a very loving relationship, but it didnt stop him from being manipulative and verbally abusive when he felt hurt or angry. Take care. A Narc will do the same thing to his next target. I feel i need him. I feel extremely grateful. After a couple of relationships he finally met Kym on a dating website and they made plans to move in together, except the date to move in got longer and longer He ended up giving me one days notice and left me a mess and in debt, oh and a fishtank full of dead fish and his cat too.. Ive left out a few things but I didnt hear from him (except from his FB posts with Kym on their trip through Asia and Europe) and didnt want to and was relieved that he had moved out.. Talk about great timing like having you visit to answer my questions and fears That is her prerogative to change hers for sure. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. The point is we should always be aware of these when meeting a new prospect! The Ultimate Narcissist Dictionary for Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse, What is Hoovering? There is someone good out there for you that wont drive you crazy. Its simply to make you doubt your judgment and make you wonder about your behaviors, which conveniently changes your focus from what HES doing. Keep preaching it my friend!!! Do you know the scorpion and the frog story? LMAO. He accepts my terms which areno triangulation with his new paramours, no lying, no declarations of love and no meeting in person. Thank you Fellow Survivor, that makes a lot of sense. HUGS!!! And not fair to myself. He doesnt know how NOT to lie, seek attention (va social media) and manipulate. That tarot card reading has me spooked. I know for a fact that my ex dated a narc for three years and also has a child with him, and I truly believe that the pain he caused her affected her so bad psychologically that she has taken it out on the men that have come after him. The pendulum. Narcissists pull the ghost card because they see it as a recharging period for their ex-partner. Am happy and dance and sing now. In any case, I am going to pursue getting my money back through small claims. Never tekst me called me nothing. I was the happiest woman of the world. You have to ask yourself some tough questions, like what about you attracted her and why you allowed yourself to remain in the relationship for as long as you did. I really dont want to.. Its like tempation. Im a widow too and hes the nieghborhood handyman. As for him, I outsmarted him and received closure. Theyll disappear for a couple of weeks and then pop up out of the blue and start trying to woo the ex. Then finally, as I am actually feeling better these days, starting to discover I have thoughts of flying fluttering around in my mind, visiting other pilots and even getting up to the launching places I have yet to fly but I trust that this will come soon so while I am manifestly getting better and confronting the anxiety and the confidence issues related to the abuses I have suffered this olive branch suddenly places my re-integration in a frame made by the narcissist. He has tried everything to stop my return. There was a place that was open and never seemed to be fulfilled before but youre doing a great job of filling it. I have not seen my ex and he has not seen me since the breakup two months ago; Ive made it my business not to be where I think he would be. He just was gone at a time i was in Holland with my mom she has cancer. Seems to me it was a lie to keep the door open and to justify his sick advances. Yes, but not for the same reasons the average person misses their ex-lover. Id like to thank this message board also, without going no-contact id likely be floating in the nothingness that is a relationship with a Narc. Despite it has be very hard at times, I believe the best thing is to take all abusive comments and treatments (in such a short space of time I have encountered a lot of those! yesterday said that he didnt want me to agree to living apart and it was a mind game and he said it was exactly what it was and that I just jumped right on board. Nothing changes. I wish you strenght and all the best for you and your son. But.. after three days of loving promisses and announcements,` I do antything what i can to make this relation better bla bla, i never want to lose you, you are the best in my live. Keeping you mine. This all depends on the way your ex chooses to approach you and why they want you back. The answer lies in how narcissists apparently view relationships. Dont beat yourself up too badly about having to start over. There is nothing going on. Its only been two months since that happened. A classic strategy narcissists use to keep their victims under control is belittling them. That same night, my friend took my car up to the gas station near my house to put air in the tires; this is the same place I met my ex narc and all his little truck driver friends hang out here. Youd love it. Omg, we must be the same person because Im mean, Im so mean to him, I treat him like a dog, and I also needed to grow up, this is real life ..not a game he tells me. 2. He knew what to say. Narcissists are never happy. So I met with him on Monday. Everything Ive read, everything I know tells me this isnt what I really want but I feel so broken and worthless. My love and prayers to all in a similar situation. I want you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. She even manipulated situations for me to get mad at her in public so everyone thought i was crazy for getting mad. Then I got the silent treatment, he bought me a birthday gift put it in my back door but still would talk to me. Am I so far gone for thinking that men always go for cheap and nasty insults like bitch, stupid, crazy when they argue with women? Cara- it sounds like you may be codependent like I am. Youd think by now these Narcs would come up with a new algorithm. I can tolerate that but not abuse. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. Thank you Eden, That helps me a lot. He had the nerve to ask if I still hated him??!! She says she told him as far as I know shes still living there. The mind fuckery The future faking The list is endless. How to take control away from a Narcissist? Stay strong. I block her out and I try to move on. Even if they treated you horrifically at the end or you told them never to contact you, there is a possibility they might return. Then i wrote angree letters and did not hear from him till now. Two months later, in May, he wrote a lovely email that he misses me blah blah. I didnt go for very long because I couldnt afford the expense but it was helpful. She wants her life to be like the movies, so when she looks into my eyes, she is in love with her own reflection. But basically, its a low and painful blow that knocks the wind out of you and may take you out of action for a few hours. I think disordered women make far better/effective liars then men in general, so the pain can be even worse for a male victim. Theres also the possibility that he wants you as a secondary source of supply. The more i talked with others the more the web entangled. See the end of this post for information about how to read a free previewof my book, which including the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist. Maybe its just a matter of time he contacts me again. If you are like me, we are natural protectors and want the very best for the woman in our lives. I too had been in a relationship with a narc for 2 1/2 years. But each time you will find its just a little bit easier to recover. It seems almost abstracted now that so much time has passed and its me who seems absurd talking about the specifics of what happened. This was just a jab in order to do exactly what you describedto hurt you. Hugs. He dont want to lose me etc. They only sometimes and realy view times they have a connection with his heart. The next step is restraining order. They always have to keep that web in the background intact, and youre a part of it now. 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