M2QwOGMyOGJiMGU2NTVjNzY5YzczZTA2NDBmYWQzNDg1Mjk5ODhkZTM1ZDc2 The author is asking why her boyfriend chooses his daughter over her. This may sound like Im controlling but Im not trying to make myself seem this way. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his . My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. Despite committing to you and telling you he loves you, the guy is showing you that youre not his number one person and that things will stay that way for as long as his mother is around. He wants to spend time with ex and children. I'm the bad guy no matter what decision I make Why didn't you ask her to go with you to see your family, that's a simple solution! My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. Share your thoughts below! Looks like they are codependent. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. She hates my dad. We never saw him the 5 years he was married. They tell her when they will be at her house if she is lucky. Need to talk to her about having to make compromises, rotate holidays every other year. You are his family too. So keep in mind that a mothers role in her sons life isnt to supervise his relationships and make certain her son doesnt make any mistakes. Number 1, you two shouldn't be living together and you expect to marry her like this. MDE3ZTQ0MThkZWRhMjA3ZDZlOGE3MzEzZTM5M2E1ODc0YjA0MzQyOTAyZTdl Your boyfriend is enmeshed with his family and values their opinions and approval over yours. YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. My parents are divorced and I live with my mum and sister. I feel alone & Im deeply hurt. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. Not because she loves you. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. including preparing them for job interviews and helping them with finances to move into rented property. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. Njk4MGFjZTRhMzJlYzkwNzVkNDAxNjU5M2IyMTNlYzY5NjVjYjFhMmZjNzE5 We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. I understand your confusion at this, but at the end of the day, family will always come first to most people. They have no right to tell you youre too young to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s? A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. I'm in a similar situation, but not really sure how to approach it. Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. I know that he is going through a lot and all, but I want him to try and bridge the gap between us. It's reality, no one ever loves every person in each partner's family. Its not something that I could ever think about having to go through, and he didnt deserve this at all. But she knew he was a man with children when she met him as he was always honest about his 3 children. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. or situations/content involving minors. Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. Is this just the pressure of buying a house? Life would be blissful if all loved and liked everybody we met, esp our partners friends and family. In 2014, I met a guy. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I feel he should and that is not my duty to bring it up. In 2014, I met a guy. Im glad you agree with the post. To the point that he'll disregard my own as long as he pleases his family. If she isn't willing to compromise you too better not get married, cuz the holidays aren't any different or easier when you get married. He is my father, and I love him no matter what. - he always wanted me to be in their house during weekends. Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. He needs to grow tf up and be a man, I suggest not staying with a grown man who has the mentality of a 3yr old child. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Privacy Policy. ZmQ3ZTYzN2ZjNjIyNmZiYTc2NzU1Y2Y4MWYwYzNiYWNmZWY2YjQ1YjAxMDA3 I am choosing to put your kids before a relationship can be difficult. OTFmNzBlMmUzZGI5YzZlMjYwZDQxNmFhMWYxNDViNTg0MjRlYjIyYjEzNzYx Thanksgiving is next week. Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority. When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. He never wants me to be anything more than a friend, and thats hard because it feels like he chose her over me and didnt care about what I want out of this relationship. He is hurting, and if nothing else, he needs someone who understands what hes feeling right now. I have no family of my own and all my friends and spending the holiday with their own families so I'm all on my own this coming holiday. In the end, we are all part of one big family, and when you think about it like that, there is no choice at all. You make everything more clear and easier to understand. I'm thinking of ending my 4yr. She's definitely missing out. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. We talked about it calmly and nicely, but feel just a little hurt, especially after her daughter invited me to go there for Xmas lunch. Why Does My Ex-boyfriend Still Want To Sleep With Me? She is not alone in this, and neither am I.. Now she only has to be a mom two weekends a month. When youre prepared to open up to him about it, tell him youre not trying to cause problems but that you want to talk about something very, very important to you. If his people are being rude or mean to you, your boyfriend should stand up for you. Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. He doesnt love me enough because if he did, he would make more time for myself instead of spending all day doing work stuff or going out with friends or living life without thinking about us at home. Overall, I try to be understanding. Deep inside, she probably knows shes being controlling and overprotective. Its time to take care of my needs and think about myself. But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. It feels like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like I come last. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Where we work same city as mom. Im not going to give up on him. She makes his breakfast and lunch everyday and sometimes dinner. If your husband is choosing his family over you repeatedly, then you have to remember he has been psychologically conditioned to do so since his childhood. This is why she continues to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is an adult. She has the same words but its for her own family. MTNiYjJlNzQwM2YwNjVmOWI0OTI5NDRjYmYxZTc4ZjYyZWQ5ZDY4MjMzMGVl Be happy that he treats his mother well. I kept asking now she hates me. my boyfriend (25m) always chooses his family over me (23f). He has never spend christmas with me. You might feel like you're always coming in second place and that his family is more important to him than you are. It wont be easy for him to decrease his attachment and influence by his mom, but hell need to do that if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you. what should i do? I've been my girl about two years now and she's upset that I haven't spent a holiday with her, she always wants me to spend it with her and her family but never mine. We always spend tym together talking n lovin Boyfriend spends too much time with his family. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! But don't blame the pooch. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you! HELP! I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. You don't get a free pass. ZGQ0YWE1OTIwNzQ2YzIwMTgzOTRhZTVlMDNkMGUyOGY5MWU2MGRmNTdlYjM5 He's living the high life and probably enjoys Tom's . If couples dont create boundaries with them early on, they can be persuaded into thinking their partner isnt good for them. There are some men that have been so programmed to "choose" their mother that even when they get married the wife does not end up in first place. If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. & keep in mind we work opposite schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night. I think hes just not that into me anymore. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. The good news is my parents are very tolerable, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend. Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. Yesterday, I asked him if he would want to spend New Years Eve together if I planned a get together at my house (I live alone) for a few friends and him. OGVmYWYyNjVjN2FmZTk3YmM3YWNkNDc2ZGRjNjgzODk2NjBkYzczOGE4YThi It's a long-distance relationship, but we've made it work. My girlfriend of 4 years wants me to spend Christmas with her. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. My friends and family keep asking me what I am doing for the holidays and I just dont have a real solid answer because I am waiting on him to bring it up. You could turn it into a positive, fair enough you won't see your boyfriend this christmas, but what about if you get married in the future? I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. You raise kids who lack self-sufficiency and grow up expecting their partners to do things for them that their parents used to. Need help with your relationship? In your case, shes focusing on your boyfriend. Exactly. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. MGM0ZDU4NWU1NjhjZjRmMzZjODVlZjU2ZWQ2ZmUzOWI1Njg2ZjU2ZmMzNzhh I need to accept it or move on I guess. NDg3YTE5NmU0MTAwMDc3OGU0OGFmYmNmYWFkZmViYjUwNWRhZjcxMzM3MGUx Ashley Paige is a former Assistant Editor for PopSugar Love and Smart Living. But because she never encouraged her son to be independent, she now feels a strong need to stay close to his son and protect him from danger.. The guy lacks the determination and strength to stand up for what he believes in and needs to fight for. NTU4Y2Q1ZmY4YmRjNmNlNDMxMDI0YjBmM2QxOGUyMjRiNDZlMTgwN2U1ZTQw Do you believe that children should always prioritize family relationships, or does love trump all? Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. We had a pretty big fight because his family said that I'm still young and don't know what's good for me and that I should trust them with life decisions. it wont stop here. His family should be making room for you in their lives. It will create new ones. Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. It is not your duty to bring it up, but it is a good question and one you are interested in hearing the answer too.. Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? YTIxMmU3YWEwODk5YWQ2YTc3NjAxODk2ZDllZjRmNDA2YTFjMDQ4MjYyNjM3 MDc1MmMyOWQ5YjE2NTE4ZGE1NWVkNTg3ZjczYWNkMzU1MzA0YjM3MWIzMDE3 You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. That couldn't be further from the truth. (My boyfriend describes this as generally how arranged marriages go.). ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk And hurt, hed rather not get. I have a friend who is trying to get away from this dynamic. It's give and take. Y'all tripping. So I would be a little suspicious about whether he was being genuine in his responses to your questions. Why Do I Keep Seeing My Ex-Boyfriend's Name Everywhere? Worst of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last Christmas. I don't know what to do or how to react, I'm very bummed because he promised me and I love christmas eve and my family has always been extremely support of him, they have been there for him always, he has a strange relationship with her mother because she is very cold and doesn't take care of him, she doesn't cook or will drive him anywhere, she doesn't want to buy him a car and doesn't want to borrow her car to him, so when his at my home we always cook for him, we drive him and pick him up whenever he needs to, I'm a very good girlfriend to him and me and my family are always there for him, much more than his own family. Press J to jump to the feed. -----BEGIN REPORT----- I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. My boyfriend Boyfriend and I conflicted over how to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas together, Wont spend time with me, won't let me meet family. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. So, in a way, I feel bad for his mom. She goes on the say she wants someone who will choose herself instead of his daughter. When we fly home, my boyfriend and his mom barely speak to each other. People who always put their family first are common and normal, you cant force them to just stop hanging out with their family because you want them to. They dont need a third person meddling with their business and giving them conflicting advice. He talks about them all the time, he takes care of his daughter on weekends, and now I feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore. TL:DR I feel like I will always come second to my boyfriend's family. OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 for example today there is Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. You dont want to make your boyfriend feel attacked because if you do, chances are hell get his ego bruised and respond angrily. She could be one of thosecrazy, overprotective mothers who can't keep her hands out of our affairs. My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". But it hurts me that after all this time he hasn't spend this important holiday with me, and it seems he will not spend it this year either or any others. how to make your boyfriend choose you over his family, my boyfriend always chooses his family over me, My boyfriend's family is ruining our relationship, My boyfriends mom is ruining our relationship, The Difference Between Love You And I Love You. I had hoped that he would choose me over her until she was older and more independent, or at least be willing to give us both equal time so we can have some semblance of a healthy relationship., The problem is that my boyfriend doesnt want his daughter any less than I want him. Should I just get over it, or does anyone think I have a right to be upset? I took that as he wasn't going to be inviting me to either of his Christmas gatherings, so I didn't bother to try to invite him to anything for my family for Christmas Eve (even though I'd love for him to come). Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. In the end, when I say that I dont feel like hanging out with his friends and that I want to just stay at home and just chill with us two, he gets frustrated with me and turns it on me, making me feel like crap in the end, making us ending up chilling with his friends. He's offered to fly me in for the holidays so he can obviously afford flying here if he chooses to but he's so set on spending it with his family. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. They came as a package just like your DP and his children. Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. ZjhlODgxMjY4OTg3YWVhY2NiM2RhNDYwZWQ1ODJhNTNkMDU1YTA4ODU5YmIy Therefore, a mom who meddles with her sons relationship usually: She should be focusing on her own life/relationship, but because some important part of her life is lacking, shes trying to take charge of her sons. Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? Share your story below. Press J to jump to the feed. EVERY DAY!! Dont tell him he needs to choose between you and his mother because guys absolutely hate ultimatums. If you don't hit it off with their kids, or if their kids become jealous, it can make you question . This article was originally published at PopSugar. For some people family is important. Well Im afraid I can only provide a biased opinion having experiences of dating websites, when I felt I have been given the cold shoulder in meeting for special occasions close friends or families. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. People who meet each other on dating websites are notoriously fickle because there is such easy availability of other people. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. My girlfriend has asked me to spend Christmas with her knowing that all my family are coming from a few states away. OTQ4N2U0NGQ0ZTQyMDJiNDgzMTRjYTYyNDUyNzQ3NDQxODU1MTFhZjk2MTY5 MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx If he loves you enough he would include you and take you with him. What you dont want though is to come on too strong. Ya thats weird. Hes not just going to magically change. ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. 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